December 2021 Newsletter

When I started this website, my goal was to post an article at least twice a month. I started off strong but now it’s December and I haven’t written anything since… ummm…. AUGUST? Is that possible? Where did second half of 2021 go? I debated just ignoring the fact that I haven’t kept up with my commitment, hoping nobody would notice, but this is just life, is it not? We make plans, we set meaningful goals, but often other things come along that sabotage our best intentions. For me, it was two-fold. One excuse is easy to admit, the other took some self-reflection:

#1) I dropped the ball because I experienced an extremely busy season in my “real job” as a commercial production coordinator & location scout. True. But….

#2) …the harder truth: I have a difficult time sticking to long-term projects. Here’s my pattern: I start a passion project full steam ahead, I fall behind, then I find it mentally and emotionally draining to try to pick it back up.

I’ve seen this bad habit loop of start/pause/quit repeat itself in multiple goal-setting situations, such as

• Writing a book
• Cutting out sugar
• Keeping up with friends from out of town

The Real Reason we Bail on Goals

Why do we do this to ourselves? We identify something that’s important and worthy. We find the intersection between our gifts, passions, and impact, we start off strong, and then we let it fizzle out. At least that’s what I did with my Personal Retreat Day content. I let one day go by without writing or posting, then another, then another.

I’m no expert on psychology, but I believe the main reason we self-sabotage is fear – either fear of failure, or fear of success.

If I fail at this, I’ll look stupid and feel bad about myself.

 If I succeed at this, my life will be too busy and I’m already feeling overwhelmed.

Passion + Gifts/Talents + Impact = Worthwhile Pursuits

A caveat here: sometimes we impulsively set a goal that’s not well-thought out. We don’t really want to do it, it’s not important or worthwhile, but we scroll past an Instagram post about someone who lost 30 pounds on a Keto diet and think, hey, I should try that too! Those “goals” are fleeting and won’t stick. No, here I’m talking about aspirations that we have determined are essential to our lives.

In my case – I’m passionate about taking personal retreat time for my mental and emotional health and teaching others to do so. I’m gifted in writing and teaching. And I feel strongly that I can make an impact by helping others improving their lives. I’ve identified an intersection between passion, gifts, and impact. Spreading the news about Personal Retreat Days is something I deeply want to do. I enjoy it. And yet I still let other things get in the way. Why? Because (in part) it’s hard. Waiting until inspiration strikes to write just doesn’t work for me. I can think of a million other things to do instead, like check email or clean the kitchen. And picking the writing habit back up after an extended time off is, frankly, embarrassing.

These Three Little Hacks can Salvage your Essential Projects

Ok, enough whining about torpedoing my goals. The important question to address is: “how can I do better in the future?” I’ve combined a few key strategies from 2 books and 1 podcast (I’ll reference them at the end of the article). I’m putting these tactics into place AS I TYPE these very words. In other words, I’m practicing what I’m preaching in real time.

1. Identify your energy “green zone” and do essential work in that zone. Most of us only have 3-4 “high energy” hours per day where we have focused concentration and our creativity flows. After monitoring my energy for several days, I found that my green zone is usually between 9-11 am, and it surges again in late afternoon around 4-5 pm. (But don’t ask me to do anything important at 1pm! That’s when I hit the post-lunch crash).

Real-time application: it’s now 10:48 am — I’m writing in my green zone!

2. Give yourself permission to suck (my words!). One book suggested that a hinderance to doing very important work is that we believe it has to be perfect right off the bat. But we all know that a first draft usually stinks, whether it’s writing a blog post, crafting a presentation, or creating an annual budget. Be OK with a “zero draft” – even less burdensome than a first draft, a zero draft is something you know from the get-go won’t see the light of day. That mentally helps you pick up that pen and start scribbling. That zero draft will set you up for a small win… (cue the dopamine rush! I accomplished something today!) …and will create momentum you can build on tomorrow.

Real-time application: I’m not editing as I go. I’m just spewing words. The words you’re reading now are probably not the same words I wrote in my zero-draft…at some future date I’ll go back & edit. Or maybe I won’t! You’ll never know…BWAAA HA HA!!

3. Set a timer. I heard this idea on a podcast about “time anxiety” and I immediately latched on to it. When faced with a massive daunting project, unless you’ve procrastinated to the 11^th hour, you usually don’t have to finish it the same time you start it. So set a timer for 20, 30, or 45 minutes, whatever you have energy and space for, and focus on this one task until the timer goes off. The beauty of the timer is two-fold: A) your mind knows it will eventually go off and you’ll get a break, and B) you can do anything for 20 minutes! (Especially when you give yourself permission for it to be crap!)

Real-time application: I set a 20 minute timer on my phone and completed my zero draft of these three points before the timer sounded

I hope these tips help you stick with your most important life goals. Drop me a line and let me know your favorite proactivity hacks and how you’re doing with your Personal Retreat Days at wende@personalretreatday.com

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This article was featured in my December 2021 Newsletter. To subscribe to my newsletter, send me an email at wende@personalretreatday.com

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