“Socrates said that an unexamined life is not worth living. But you know, an over-examined life can be a real crap festival, too.”
Alex Bosworth, from Chip, Chip, Chaw!
Recently, my yoga instructor explained the proper stance of the pose known as Warrior 2. “Check yourselves in the mirror. Some of you are leaning backwards, others are launching yourselves forwards. You should be centered squarely above both hips evenly.” The pose is indeed a balance of contrasts: one arm pointing to the back of the room, the other arm confidently reaching forward. It’s a proud posture demonstrating strength and determination. The instructor went on to analogize the physical pose with how we are wired internally: some of us tend to ruminate on the past, while others focus on the future. The ideal mental state, she suggested, is to be firmly rooted into the present moment.
I agree that the ability to enjoy the present is crucial, but reflection and planning also have their places. In the next three articles I’ll address this triad of mental states and how they work together to form a complete whole. Today we’ll start with looking back, AKA reflection.
REFLECTION – LEARNING FROM THE PAST
I firmly believe that examining your past helps you create a better future. During your Personal Retreat Day, spend time looking back at the previous month. Recall the good things that happened in the past month and give thanks for them. Also – this is harder – look back on the things that were not so great…and give thanks for those also. Bad experiences, when reflected upon, can be fantastic teachers. Their lessons can help us avoid similar pain in the future. It’s been said that we don’t learn from experiences, instead we learn by reflecting on experiences. Most of us don’t take the time to stop and think about our experiences and attach meaning to them. We must intentionally pause and reflect.
If you find that looking back is painful, lean into it! Don’t turn away from discomfort, that’s exactly where we typically grow. Without examining your past wounds, they fester. They boil beneath the surface and turn ugly. If they aren’t dealt with, they will manifest in your body eventually, through unexplained physical pain, panic attacks, blowing up in anger, or worse! This is why regular PRDs are crucial not only to your mental/emotional health, but to your physical well-being also. Everything is intertwined. Regular examens keep things in check. Remember, the purpose of reflection is not to dwell on regrets or obsess over past wounds, but to process them & move on to a brighter future.
CAPTURE THE JOYS
The most enjoyable part of reflecting is mentally revisiting the good times. Reminiscing about the blast you had at that karaoke party or the way you killed it at work is just as valuable as learning from your mistakes. Don’t skip this exercise during your Personal Retreat Day! Noticing what made you happy reminds you to bring more of those activities into your life with purpose.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
How do you get to know someone? You ask them questions. Getting to know yourself is no different. Stock up your “reflection toolbox” with a list of good questions to ask yourself during your Personal Retreat Days. I wrote an entire article about questions on my blog, you can access that here. Some key questions to begin with are:
- How did I feel last month – physically, mentally, and emotionally?
- What were the highlights the last month?
- Who did I enjoy spending time with?
- What did I learn?
There are a million questions you can ask yourself but these will jump start the inner conversation. Next month we’ll examine another fantastic tool for reflection: journaling!